My Wandering Mind

Regrets...

My Mom passed away on the 22nd of September. She was buried on the 28th, next to my Dad who passed away 23 years ago from Cancer. I didn't visit Mom near as much as I would have liked to after Dad died. Not because of the distance, (100 + miles or so) but other personal reasons. Mom was 80 years old, she'd had back surgery on the 27th of July and basically never healed from it. They put a steel rod in her back from the nape of her neck down to the top of the crack of her who-ha. They sent her home about a week after surgery, with no antibiotics and basically she got an infection in the incision. When the pain kept getting more and more excruciating after only two days at home, she was taken back to the hospital, where they had to put a pump/sponge like thing in the wound, to drain/suck the "yuck" puss out. Well she didn't get any better, only worse and septicemia (blood poisoning) set in. Her heart couldn't do what it was suppose to, her kidneys didn't want to function right and her breathing became labored. They put her on a Ventilator (even though she told everyone years ago, she never wanted to be vented), but she needed help to breathe. One thing led to another, went to visit her in the hospital and now there are times I wish I didn't. It wasn't Mom, with tubes running here and there and she couldn't talk, they had to restrain her hands to keep her from pulling the tube out of her mouth... it was really awful!

And then she got better, temp went down, she was able to be taken off the ventilator, they even had her up sitting in a chair for a bit, and then she got worse again. It was just one helluva roller coaster ride from one day to the next. Up one day, down the next... back on the ventilator, IV's and those damn tubes everywhere. Toward the end they had to put a feeding tube in and it just became evident that Mom wasn't going to be around much longer. It was sad to see her lying there, not being able to say anything, not really being Mom, she suffered up to the last minute and I regret that better half & myself were in Georgia when I got the news that Mom's heart was weakening. They took her off the ventilator and they said it was just a matter of time.

My cell phone rang, it was my sister,I knew before she said anything that Mom was gone. You just sense things like that you know? And she had to start making preparations for a funeral. It wasn't something I wanted to even think about... 800 miles away, but thanks to Ma Bell and a clear connection, we ironed things out and after sobs and tears, we said goodbye.

I regret not telling Mom I loved her more, I know she knew, but all the same.

I regret not being with her when she passed away, not being there for the last goodbye, the last hug, the last "I Love You Mom".

I regret being such a "hellion" sometimes that I know Mom & Dad wished they could take me to a department store or park and forget me.

I regret so many things, but regrets won't bring Mom back and as much as I wish she was still here, baking and talking on the phone and giving you that long distance hug when you needed it, she's at peace now and I imagine her & Dad are strolling through Heaven, hugging each other and laughing and sharing so many memories. My Sister who passed away 33 years ago, no doubt ran to meet Mom with arms wide open. I miss you Mom, I miss your smile... and yes even the tongue lashing that you gave us girls when we were being "hellions". Rest In Peace Mom, I love you.

 

An Individual Person

Gina was what many call an "military brat", but she was also a country girl, just like me. I remember her riding a horse into town, she didn't care who snickered or what, her goal was to be herself and dare I say that many of us could have taken a lesson from her. Some of her decisions might not have been the best, but we learn by our mistakes and it makes us our own individual person.

My Best Friend

I recently lost a dear friend of 30 plus years. Gina had cancer and even after a double mastectomy, the dirty rotten thing wouldn't leave her alone and bless her heart, she couldn't fight it anymore.

How do I tell you about Gina without buckets of tears falling? It's impossible for me to delete her phone number from my address book, her blog, in general anything connected to her, I will never erase. The memories Gina & I shared, the good times and bad, the heartache of losing someone who meant the world to you, the everyday hello's by phone, letter, email, etc.

Gina introduced me to the computer, even setting me up with what we later called "The Dinosaur", way back when. From that first moment, I was hooked and off we both went, emailing and printing out letters to mail back & forth. Why the paper alone would probably cover the state of Missouri and then some!  TO BE CONTINUED

QotD: 2010 - The Pressing Issues

Oh-Ten? Two-thousand and ten? Ten? What will you say when you have to say 2010 aloud?

Twenty-Ten! Just sounds more logical than Oh-Ten or Two-thousand and ten?!?!? That's my opinion and you know what they say about opinions, right?

The Weather is COLD

Beach

Gee, as cold as it today, I'd certainly like to be sitting on that beach, catching some rays of sunshine and taking in the heat that I grumble about in the summer time. I have wondered if I'm ever satisfied, gripe in the summer about the heat and wish it was cooler and in the winter about the cold and wish it was warmer. Seriously a happy medium needs to be struck and very soon. This 12, 14 and 17 degree weather is colder than a well diggers hiney. I've been told a well diggers hiney gets doggone cold too. :)

Am worried about my good friend Skyrat, she hasn't updated for a few and well... they say no news is good news, but I WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING!

Christmas was very good for us, enjoyed it a week early with the kids and grandkids at our home, then better half went to his sister's house on Christmas day. I stayed home, didn't feel too perky. Enjoyed being "ALONE" for a while. Better half is off trucking this week by himself, he's doing local loads, so something he's comfortable doing without yours truly here. I am HOME ALONE and golly gee, I sit in the chair, eating bonbons out of one hand and ham sandwiches out of the other, while watching TV, feet propped up, fireplace putting out that radiant heat and seriously, who could ask for more, right? Well OK, maybe a cabana boy to feed those bonbons too me, and rub my feet and massage my back & neck and keep my Pepsi cup filled and oh yes... make me another ham sandwich. LOL

I'll definitely hate for the New Year to arrive with having to head back out on the road again. I've become so doggone spoiled, sleeping in until 8:00 AM almost every morning, going to bed at Midnight or later, piddling around doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. Took time out yesterday to unload and then reload the dishwasher, now how pathetic is that? LOL  Oh yes, did a load of laundry too and looked at the Christmas tree and thought... You need to come down, but guess what? It's still UP. No sense having to do something you don't want to do, now is there? Suppose I'll have to call this my little vacation, good and well, that it is!

Our oldest son and family purchased the materials & built a big deck out our back door and I am SUPER  excited about it. All treated lumber, so it's going to last a long spell and is just perfect in every way. Elder son is a master at doing stuff like that and always has been. On other hand, youngest son, well... I'll save that for another day, month, year. ;-) Suffice to say that they are daylight and dark different, always have been. We had such a good Christmas, wish it didn't have to end, but like most things, it had to.

The New Year will be here before we know it, a few more days and say goodbye to 2009 and hello to 2010. You know I can remember when I was a "kid", that the year 2000 seemed like eons away and never thought I'd see it in my lifetime. I mean who would think anyone would live that long when you're 4 or 5 years old?  Ha

We have no plans for the big "eve", usually fall asleep in the chair watching one of those New Year's Eve party things on TV and don't wake up until the old year is gone and the New Year is ticking along. Talk about party poopers, that's us. Don't even do the ham, black eyed peas, rice or cabbage thing. All suppose to bring good luck, prosperity, etc. Bah Humbug! Definitely don't make a New Year's resolution, used to, but it would get broke, so I stopped doing them. Yeah, I'm getting old, what can I say. Ha

Here's hoping my good friends Skyrat and her daughter are doing well and hope to hear from one or both of them soon. Maybe sooner than soon. :-)

Story of Encouragement

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

QotD: Deck the Halls

A lot of people start decorating for the holidays before the Thanksgiving leftovers have been eaten... What about you? When are you going to start putting up your holiday decorations this year?

Have the tree up already, the wreath is hanging on the front door, some lights are up on the eave of the house and have "some" trim/decorations on the hedges out front. Also have all kinds of "hand drawn Christmas art",  from the grand babies, displayed on the front of the refrigerator. Now... I need to get in the Christmas spirit and start making candies, cookies and getting that fresh baked smell of homemade breads filling the house with it's intoxicating aroma. I love being in the kitchen, just never enough time. *sigh*

My Snowman

"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child" ~ Erma Bombeck

Day After Thanksgiving

We enjoyed Thanksgiving with our oldest son, his wife and three beautiful grandchildren. We gobbled down turkey and all the trimmings and ate until we all felt like a stuffed turkey probably feels. Daughter-in-law cooked the entire meal, complete with homemade dessert (pumpkin pie, chocolate pie and a cheesecake) and scrumptious homemade yeast rolls. Yummy good!! The grandkids enjoyed seeing Pe-pa (better half) and Grandma (me), along with their Uncle C (youngest son) and Aunt C (his wife) too. Yes... the Grandkids were the joy of the day and we are so very thankful for having them in our lives. Thankful too for our health, our wonderful sons, their wives and our three adorable grandchildren. What? You don't believe the grandkids are adorable? Well just look at this!!

Grandkidz

Now, are they adorable or what? :-) Ages (from left to right) 9, 4 & 5

Every thanksgiving is a wonderful celebration for us and I give thanks to my friends near and far too. I try to keep in touch with everyone, sometimes it's only on the holidays, but it is indeed the thought that counts.

Gina? I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with your better half and Barney and you're feeling LOTS better. LYGF, Take care of YOU!

Chuckles

Something isn't working right. I wrote & saved a big long post and can't find it anywhere. Boo Hoo!  Oh well, watch these little videos and have a chuckle or maybe even two. :)

Badday

Sweetlady

QotD: Favorite High School Class

Typing, shorthand and business economics.